Selfish

I am a selfish one. I don’t mean that in the self- deprecating way. The more days that I watch go by, the more I see the very real evidence that I just don’t care about other people the way that I care about myself. This is a difficult thing to put out there. It’s not difficult because I’m embarrassed. It’s difficult because though I’m willing to acknowledge this truth, I don’t know how to get it to take root in my heart- where it might actually make a difference. I hate admitting that there is a problem, and I have no solution. I can’t get outside of myself enough to see other people.

My friend Stacy used to deal with getting upset at other people when he was driving by yelling “YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME!!!” from inside his car. Mostly, it was to remind himself that he wasn’t more important than the other drivers. I like it because it’s tangible. You can sort of put your hands on it. It brings perspective.


Perspective is rare. Less rare as I grow older thankfully. Perhaps it’s because I’m getting better at recognizing God or maybe it’s because He is tired of waiting for me to figure it out on my own and has given me a sort-of cosmic kick in the ass to jump start things.

What I do know is that there is a piece of the Good News- the Gospel- that I need to hear often. I need to be reminded of the raw truth that our spirits are more real than anything I can put my hands on. It’s about perspective.

The evidence in my life says the reason for selfishness - at least the part that comes from me- is a fundamental lack of perspective. If I could see into eternity, where motives are revealed and nothing can hide behind a slick facade, other people wouldn’t be so easy to ignore. The lie that somehow everything revolves around me would just die.

I don’t know if that’s true, but it feels right. Views of eternity only happen in short bursts so I’m going to have to rely on God to open them up and remind me at the right times- hopefully, before I act or open my mouth.