I am not a very good parent

I am not a very good parent. Not in the way that comedians talk about leaving their children alone with power tools, flavored rum and Spongebob. What I mean is that from an objective standpoint, I'm deficient in the skills, tricks and perseverance that are needed to keep up with my kids and their antics. Something happened three years ago that left my wife an I outnumbered.  It was already tough with two. I can get pretty discouraged and feel that even when I bring my best, I don't really have an 'A Game'. 

"Sorry kids, a 'C' game is all I've got."

I say these things not so much as a complaint, rant or confessional, but as a reminder to myself that the idea of giving a child to someone- entrusting their physical care, nurturing, education and emotional development to me is not accidental.  What I need to remember is that all of these things, the feeding, dressing, social interaction skills, teaching and affection that I bring and give to them are intended to point toward eternity and the truth about their souls.

It is pretty humbling to realize that my children's perception of the world, the universe and the reality of their spirit and soul is shaped by our interaction and how they see me interact with the world we live in.

In essence, it is more than just being a role model. There is more at stake here. They are learning when they watch how I deal with my own shortcomings, strengths and the sin that arises when these two collide.  In fact, it seems that they learn more from this struggle than they do from my 'good example'.

I learned a long time ago - at least in a cerebral way, that I'm not very good at sticking to actions that are integrous with my beliefs.  I need help.  If it comes down to a spiritual  conflict...not the sensationalized christian novel type, but a real life struggle to make choices that acknowledge that the spiritual is real...my strength won't cut it.

What made me think of and then write this down today is that praying with my wife over our deficiencies and hopes for these amazing kids the last couple days has made a noticeable difference for both of us.

Thanks for bringing your "A" game God...every single time.